Friday 2 May 2008

My Bloody Valentine

I'm a little worried about the recent developments. Boka has become quite a rogue. He has started attacking without provocation. But that's not exactly what I am worried about. Although he was responsible for it, to a large extent.
The last person he attacked was a totally harmless chap who had walked into the room unsuspectingly, while swigging some beer. All he did was bend down (to kiss the dumb mutt), and even before the deed was done, there was blood and dog drool all over the white carpet. Of course, we laughed the matter away. The guy was zonked; didn't really know what to do. I was more worried about the carpet being messy with bloodstains. But I have to give it to the guy; he carried on unflinchingly. But we didn't what to do till I saw the dog licking the blood off the carpet.
So I tried dragging this intoxicated creature across, to the bathroom. But he just wouldn't fit. Yes, he was quite big. And so I had to pull his arm inside the bathroom and leave the rest of him wailing outside. The wound was quite deep. The fucker had plunged his fangs deep inside the poor chap's forearm. Now if I havent told you before, I'm quite revulsed by the sight of blood. So while there was a torrent gushing forth, out of his 2 inch deep gash, I struggled to breathe. There was too much blood to handle. Which was surprising, because after all, it's only a dog bite. After around half an hour, and after shedding enough blood to see a hospital unit through, it looked as if I'd just killed someone and used the bathroom to chop the body into pieces.
Anyway, the ideal thing to do was to apply a tourniquet. Which appeared in the form of a roll of toilet paper. Well, I used almost all of the toilet paper to wrap his arm tightly. But even this assistance was short-lived. The blood reemerged, first as a speck, then a dot, then a blotch, then a huge fucking map of Asia. And it didn't just stop there. Had there been a continent bigger than Asia, it would've looked like this stain.
Well, the next thing I knew, it started dripping. Yes, the toilet paper starts to drip blood. Which really took my breath away, but also made me a little worried. Why? Well hey, how would you react if you were in outer space and saw the earth drip water? And each drip was adding to the pool of blood already collected on the floor.
Basically, everything was spiraling out of control. But I was glad I thought of the phrase, because it told me exactly what to do. And soon enough, I was at the bottom of the problem. I gently unplugged the drain plug. There was a sudden pause, as if the blood saw it's end had come. And with an angry glare in its stream, it hissed violently. I didn't give up. I chose to stay in the bathroom and see the blood go down the drain. There was a lot of blood splashing, till all I could see was red. But well, fate had other things stored in for us. The bloody thing started coloring my bathroom walls red too. This got my goat. I resorted to...er...my final resort. I swept the floor wiper off its feet and started using it in powerful, wide strokes all over the floor. The blood was slightly taken aback. But you know what, the fucking door was open. And soon enough, the blood spilled onto my bedroom, briefly pausing at the doorway to take a last look at its former owner lying half-dead on the floor.
Now things had really gotten out of control. Even before I could collect myself, all the blood had disappeared. I thought it had taken the balcony route to escape. How wrong I was. I checked the balcony. No sign of blood. I came back to the room, and my jaw fell to the ground. There it was, the ugly thing, looking all fresh and perched high up. Well not all that high up, but basically beyond my reach. The fucking thing had saturated one of my walls with it. It's still there. I can show you pictures also.